SEX, FANTASIES, & WOMEN
Why Some Women NEVER Disclose Their Sexual Desires
The reality of female libido is a far cry from what we often see in movies.
It’s crazy to think that couples on small screens can simply do it anywhere and anytime they want to. But it all boils down to one fact: women’s sexual drives are lower compared to men.
However, women having lower sexual drives does not necessarily prove that they have relatively poor sexual desires. They’re still capable of having lustful thoughts. And though they form erotic images in their minds, it does not necessarily mean they want it to be a reality.
On an important note, it’s helpful to know that there’s a clear difference between women who choose to hide their desires and those who fail to disclose them.
Sexual Desires vs Sexual Fantasies: What’s The Difference?
Perhaps you’ve fantasized about someone you like and desire to do it with them.
You often associate your sexual desires with that of your fantasies, but it’s time to stop them. The truth is, the two are different.
A sexual fantasy is an arousing mental picture happening in your thoughts as you stay awake. It crosses your mind spontaneously, and it can happen for different purposes. You can sexually fantasize while you’re dealing with boredom, casually taking a rest, or becoming and staying aroused.
The main feature these sexual fantasies bring you is arousal. But just because something turns you on, it doesn’t mean you want to do it in real life.
That is not always the case.
On the contrary, sexual desires are the things you wish to do. It can either be a plan or a goal you want to achieve for a healthier and better sex life with your partner.
Women Who Keep It to Themselves
Women are often subject to the belief that they are more likely to deny their desires when compared to men. Most of them are unwilling to disclose their preferences in bed, sexual scripts have long asserted this fact.
Some think that they have no autonomy over their sexual pleasure, self-expression, power, or even with their own orgasm.
In 2019, Herbenick et al. conducted a study involving women who chose not to talk about sex with their intimate partners, with the participation of 1,055 women aged 18 until 70+ in a survey.
Here is a statistic of their reasons for why they stayed silent about it:
- They thought their partner didn’t care about their pleasure. (7%)
- They didn’t want to appear perverted. (10.1%)
- They think their partners would misunderstand. (10.2%)
- They fear rejection. (11.7%)
- They didn’t want to look demanding. (18.3%)
- They lack the skills to communicate about their sexual wants. (35%)
- They feel embarrassed telling their partners about it. (37.7%)
- They feel uncomfortable going into details. (40.2%)
- They don’t want to hurt their feelings. (42.4%)
Interestingly, the study found an existing relationship between fake orgasms and lack of sexual communication. Women who can communicate openly about their sexual desires are less likely to have fake orgasms. Consequently, they also have a higher tendency to last longer in bed.
Age Is Also a Factor
Sexual voice is a great deal to women. According to the study, younger women find it more difficult to enhance their inner voice or believe that they have it in the first place.
By contrast, women in their mid-twenties were more comfortable in voicing out what they wanted sexually. Despite this, 1 in 5 women who participated in the study felt uncomfortable talking about intimacy with their partners.
Likewise, 1 in 10 women revealed they were not confident that their sexual pleasure matters to their partner.
Making Women Talk
Communication is a part of having good sex.
Making someone talk about their sexual fantasies and desires is a skill. Not everyone knows how to do it, even with their partners. Though it’s not easy to ask your partner upfront, it’s important that you find out, especially if you want to satisfy each other behind closed doors.
Remember that an honest conversation may not always be comfortable, but it will benefit your relationship in a lot of ways.
If you want to make your partner talk, here are a few things you can do:
Embrace your sexual needs.
This helps her to embrace hers too. Your first task is to make her feel comfortable enough to open up to you. Let her know that it’s totally fine, and you find her honesty a big deal.
Take your chances.
There’s no perfect time to talk about intimacy. But if you’re suddenly talking about a sensual movie you just saw or past experiences with previous lovers, take the opportunity to converse. It will be a more natural and spontaneous way to talk about it. This way, you won’t need to ask her permission before tackling the subject.
Slowly get to the good stuff.
You’re straightforward enough to talk about intimacy, but she isn’t. As you engage in an intimate conversation, carefully consider the severity of your questions by going over the lighter ones and the more sensitive ones later on.
You can take note of this example:
- What attracts you to a man?
- Do you still remember your first kiss?
- What do you think makes you look sexy?
- How do you flirt with a guy?
- Have you made the first move on someone? How did it go?
- Is sexual connection in a relationship important to you?
- Are you a sexual person?
- When was the first time you had sex?
- What’s the hottest thing a guy did to you during sex?
- Do you have sexual desires? If you do, what are they?
These are not the only things you can ask her, but they are helpful to make sure your conversation is going somewhere.
Encourage her.
You can always encourage a woman to talk, but she will hesitate for a number of reasons. When this happens, you can tell her that knowing her sexual desires is important to you.
And if she still hesitates even after you’ve said this, give her time. Let her know that you don’t want to pressure her and that you deeply understand.
Women are believed to be more sensitive. Although intimacy is an important part of a relationship, don’t hold on to the idea that sex is necessary. What’s true for you may not be for everyone, so learn to respect women and their decisions.
Know that you can always let someone know you love them even without being sexually active. At the end of the day, genuine love and happiness aren’t measured by your life in the bedroom.
