SELF
Are You Afraid You Are Too Ugly to Date?
If there is one thing you could change about yourself so you date more successfully, what would it be?
I’d bet that being extremely physically attractive would rank high on people’s lists.
And why not? Looking good lands you better chances in attracting a partner, and studies have continually shown that.
But let’s face it. Not all of us are so lucky as to have movie-star good looks. Most of us are, say, average. Hence the term. But being average isn’t exactly a liability.
But what about people who are less than average? What if you’re downright ugly?
It’s time to be real — some people are just the opposite of good looking.
Before we move forward, we need to accept reality. These are the cards we’re dealt.
Some people don’t have fully functioning limbs. Others may be gorgeous, but they’re psychopaths. You might have an oversized schnoz. We can’t have it all, so let’s not make everyone else the standard, let’s make YOU the standard.
Make who you are now a starting point from where you start climbing towards where you want to be.
Routinely rejected
“I would never date him, he’s too ugly.”
Imagine overhearing that conversation at a party and realizing that “him” refers to you. This is the reality that many men have to deal with. They have to settle for being the beast, while watching Belle gallop away with prince charming.
This kind of experience stays with you. It becomes an insecurity, one that can eat away at you if you aren’t careful.
The problem with insecurity is that it can become a host for problematic behavior. Jealousy, envy, infidelity, and quick temper — these are but a few of the many undesirable traits rooted in one’s insecurity.
Imagine being on a swipe-right dating app for over a year, and it’s absolutely crickets because you dared to use your actual photo.
It’s a tough place to be.
If you ever hope to have a relationship that’s worthwhile, it’s high time to nip these insecurities at the bud.
So what are the options for a man whose face is the least of his God-given gifts?
Japheth Mast on Unsplash
Focus on your whole self
You aren’t just your face. You aren’t just your arms and legs. You aren’t just your intelligence, your education, your character.
You are a whole, one that is greater than the sum of its parts.
Ask yourself these questions — What kind of guy do I want to be? How do I want people to see me?
The human person will always need some sort of balance to get the most out of life. Which is why it’s always best to focus on the different facets in life.
You exercise and eat healthy, so you get the most out of your physical body. You study and learn, so you get the most out of your mind. You work hard, so you make the most out of your ability to be productive. You interact with people, serve in the community, and form relationships, so you can make the most out of your personality.
There are so many areas in life you can excel at, that being ugly takes a backseat to your overall potential.
Focus on your face
Wait, what? I thought we said that looks aren’t everything?
No, they’re not. But what else will people look at when they’re talking to you?
Remember, your face isn’t just your eyes, nose, ears, mouth, and skin. What about your smile? How about a look of confidence? How about sincerity in one’s eyes? Is your hair well groomed? Did you use mouthwash?
When you talk, do you do so eye-to-eye with the person you’re talking to?
Take a look in the mirror and act out a casual conversation. What do you see?
So it isn’t just the mask, but what’s behind it as well.
Know what women want
The rich, fat, balding man gets in his Lambo, accompanied by a fit, glammed up beauty. We’ve all heard about it. We’ve seen the cliché. We know it’s real.
There are women who are in it solely for the money, so for now, let’s take them off our list of romantic prospects.
Here’s what may surprise you: Good-looking women tend to be just as insecure about their looks as anyone else, if not more. Plant the seed of insecurity in a vanity-riddled woman, and she crumbles like a sandcastle on a dry day.
Most women aren’t after the next Brad Pitt. They want a guy who understands them, listens to them, and makes them feel good. They want someone who’s strong, stable, and knows what he wants in life.
Make the effort to talk to women in this light. Don’t be a casanova. Be the genuinely great guy that you are. This way, you’ll be able to sift through the ocean of stuck-up, self-centered, and entitled women, and find someone as genuine, kind, and cool as you.
Don’t close your door to dating foreign women as well. You will find women in places abroad who care less about your looks than the totality of what you bring to the table.
Living a no-excuse life
People can throw excuses all they want for not accomplishing something. Some are legit, while others are deflections for why you aren’t doing your best.
But then we have people defying the odds left and right. Charles Barkley was too short for a big guy. Tom Brady was too old to even marginally succeed. Peter Dinklage was, on paper, doomed to a life of loneliness.
Whatever your weakness, you have more than enough to make up for it. Your job is to continue trying until you find that one person who sees you for the totality of who you are.
We are living in a generation that’s just about looking good online, that we often forget what’s real in life. So quit trying to be an image. Quit trying to be a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.
When it comes to dating, you can’t just sit at home, hoping for the best. There are billions of people on earth. Don’t you think there is at least one person out there who could be the absolute best thing in your life? Well go then and find her. Because you will.
Suggested read
