Dating Reality
Roster Dating: Why Are People Today Considering It?
In today’s dating scene, where people are more liberated and connections are easier to achieve, it’s no surprise that many single people are embracing roster dating.
To be clear, I’m talking about dating multiple people at once.
What Is A Roster In Dating?
A roster means a list, and in the context of dating, it means a list of people you see at a time, whether it’s three or even more than that.
For example, you date a woman living abroad, you date another one at work, you date a pretty bartender who serves you the coolest drinks on Saturday nights, and you date someone in your running club because you both challenge each other on Strava.
If you ask me about my thoughts on this, I personally do not support it. As an introvert who easily gets overstimulated by too much information, I cannot imagine dating more than one person at a time. I believe it destroys the authenticity needed for relationships.
Also, what if I confuse them by their names? Their hobbies? That’s embarrassing, and the thought of it alone makes me want the ground to swallow me whole.
But as I’m learning more about it — particularly from other people’s experiences — I realized that those who favor roster dating may be onto something. Perhaps there is something that people like me can learn from discovering why more and more are adopting this type of dating into their love lives.
Dating As A Journey Of Self-discovery
Because roster dating allows you to entertain several people at once without commitment, it allows you to focus more on yourself. It helps you form a stronger sense of self. It enables you to learn more about your values, interests, and the type of partner you’re most compatible with.
A good example of this is one of my closest friends’ experience. She’s been roster dating for three years, and I’ve seen her cry over failed relationships and get giddy about potential ones. Fast forward to the present, she’s now in a committed relationship with a man who unlocked her love for camping and biking.
Before you judge her, she’s actually into monogamous relationships. It’s important to note that roster dating is not the same as polygamy.
You Can’t Relate To Desperation
(Credits to Sabrina Carpenter for that good line.)
Because roster dating means you date people simultaneously, it helps you gain a more balanced perspective. It better trains you in regulating emotions well instead of getting invested in one person too soon.
Does that sound like an avoidant person? It could be, and that’s one of the downsides to this. Avoidants may take advantage of this type of dating to reduce their chances of being hurt and accepting responsibility.
But roster dating doesn’t mean that you don’t utilize your interpersonal and communication skills. In fact, it should encourage you to develop more emotional intelligence, boundaries, openness, and healthy communication skills.
It Highlights The Fun Of Dating
Dating should never feel like applying for a job.
Dating is supposed to be a shared experience between two people who connect authentically rather than perform for each other, and roster dating emphasizes that.
It dawns on you that “Oh yeah, I love binge-watching series on weekends, and this person loves it, too. I don’t have to always climb a mountain to prove that my life is all fun and interactive.”
Reach For The Roster For Good Reasons!
I know the reasons mentioned above are positive aspects of this type of dating, but it’s also important to remember that, at the end of the day, you should never take advantage of anyone on your roster.
Yes, you found a woman who shares your keen interest in cryptocurrency, but that doesn’t mean you can use her personal information against her. Or, worse, use her money to fund your dates with other women.
If you’re someone who wants to focus on building something real with security, perhaps roster dating isn’t for you, and that’s totally okay. I’m on your side with that, buddy.
To be honest, it all boils down to attitude and character, so if you think it will work for you, go for it and enjoy your dating pool!
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