INFIDELITY
What You Need to Know About Micro-Cheating
Let’s start with a story: Imagine you’re in a happy, monogamous relationship. You’re scrolling through social media one day and you come across your partner sending a heart reaction to a random girl’s bikini picture.
Then, you notice that he’s been seeking emotional comfort from someone he introduced to you as just an acquaintance. Now you’re feeling kind of weird and thoughts of your partner cheating comes to mind.
To be more accurate, he may be doing what the internet labels as micro-cheating.
Micro-cheating isn’t easy to define. However, know that these are disruptive acts that erode trust despite not being direct sexual interactions. Those acts may also be unintentional, but doesn’t mean they don’t significantly affect the other person.
Some couples may consider these behaviors as infidelity. Some may, instead, consider them innocent. Specific examples include:
- Having interactions with an ex-partner or still being connected with each other on social media
- Not making it clear to others that they are in an exclusive relationship
- Seeking emotional support from others aside from their partner
- Tolerating other people’s sexual advances
- Secretly chatting with someone and being flirtatious
Social media has made vague online interactions easy to do. It doesn’t take much to overthink and obsessively check out their partner’s online activities, which won’t make things better.
However, if you’re on the lookout for even brighter red flags, here are behaviors that you should never ignore:
Keeping Secrets
Any form of cheating usually starts with secrecy. Sure, maintaining room for privacy in a relationship is healthy, but intentionally hiding things can cause issues around trust. This may include hiding/deleting messages, immediately closing certain tabs whenever your partner is around, and withholding the fact that you’re in a relationship.
Inattentiveness
They are often preoccupied with their phones or their minds are persistently elsewhere instead of being present with you during dates. They tend to prioritize someone else over the main relationship, so they become distant emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Getting Overly Defensive
With these signs, you may be considering (or already have) confronting your partner. How the response goes can be telling. Some may downplay or outright deny accusations thrown their way. Some, becoming defensive, may even deflect the issue back, which can manipulate their partner into feeling guilty about even broaching the topic.
Do you find yourself being micro-cheated? Well, there’s good news! You CAN move forward.
Your partner should be able to listen to your concerns and be willing to make adjustments not to harm your relationship further. You are more than allowed to open up about your worries and hurts, even if your partner thinks the behaviors that caused them are normal and harmless.
Allow yourself to process what you’re feeling and think about setting boundaries with your partner that you can mutually stick to. Couples counseling can also be vital for both of you as it provides a safe space where you can both process your distress and work through the complications your relationship has been through.
However, if you choose to reconsider the relationship and officially cut ties with your partner, that is valid. You are the captain of your fulfillment and happiness. If your partner’s micro-cheating leaves you sinking, it is alright to unload to set sail towards betterment.
References:
Psychology Today Staff. “Micro-cheating.” Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/micro-cheating
