ADVICE
Why Starting Out as Friends Works Better in a Relationship
“We started out as friends”
Does this sound familiar to you? You often hear this line when a friend or a family member is asked how they met their special someone.
This kind of romance isn’t raved about in the mainstream media. Still, it’s one of the most common ways that romantic relationships start.
According to a study published in 2021 that had 1900 participants — 900 of whom are college students and 1000 of whom are adults — about 68% of these romantic couples started as friends.
What’s more, a good chunk of them admitted that there was no initial romantic attraction at the start of their friendship.
It’s not exactly the most interesting or intriguing couple meeting. Still, it’s one of the most classic and best ways to start a relationship.
Which begs the question, “Why should you start out as friends first?”
The Concept of “Friends-First”
You’ve probably seen and read about this type of relationship on tv shows and novels.
There’s a flashback of the onscreen couple starting as childhood friends. Then comes the cutscenes of their journey — hanging out in each other’s house, spending the summer at camp, and playing pranks on their neighbor.
Somewhere along the line, they begin to develop feelings for each other. Because they were already friends from the start, it was easy for them to transition from friends to lovers.
Everything else was pretty much the same, except, now, the love they held for each other has grown stronger.
See how smoothly everything flows? As slow as it took for this TV show couple to end up together, their journey was well-paced and thorough. They took time building trust and getting to know each other.
Of course, this kind of concept is over-romanticized for the sake of the audience. Still, a lot of people resonate with this kind of plot. It happens more frequently in real life than more people think.
Why Are People Still against a “Friends-First” Relationship?
Most people will argue that men and women cannot be friends. For them, it’s impossible. There’s always going to be something in it for both of them.
Some people may indeed have hidden and discreet motives, but not everyone is like that. Some people make friends simply because they enjoy the other person’s company. There doesn’t have to be any sort of romantic intentions or attraction in between.
Besides, not all friendships are guaranteed to end up in a relationship. But when it does, then it’s surely going to be one of the strongest relationships there is.
But why is that?
The obstacles you encounter in friendships also exist in romantic relationships, such as jealousy, misunderstandings, petty fights, and the like. When you deal with all these during your time as friends, you’ll be better prepared when you face them again as lovers.
You come out much stronger together. You know what you both went through, and you stood by each other through trying times.
If you were to meet each other as total strangers, you wouldn’t be able to have the same connection at all. You’ll be too lost in each other’s eyes to take a look at your surroundings. If you’re not careful, you might be headed towards a dead end.
Is It Platonic or Romantic Love?
Here comes the tricky part of friends-first relationships — telling your feelings apart.
Feelings are often difficult to pinpoint. You get way too caught up in your emotions to think clearly, which can lead you to make clouded judgments.
Love is no exception to this. What you think might be love, may simply be a case of infatuation. In the same way, what you think may be platonic love, may actually be deep and unconditional love.
How exactly can you tell if you hold romantic feelings for a friend?
1. You imagine yourself getting married to them.
Random thoughts often spring up like mushrooms in everyone’s minds. Some of them can get quite unusual. Imagining yourself getting married to your friend is one of them.
Some friends often do this for giggles. It’s a funny idea to think about, especially when you’ve been together for so long.
Most friends have a hard time seeing a long-time friend in a romantic light. Some might even be unfazed by such thoughts. For them, it’s a far-fetched idea.
But if you don’t mind sharing your futures together, then you might want to reassess your feelings for your friend.
2. You don’t mind being affectionate.
Male-female friendships often don’t involve physical touches of any sort. Otherwise, it might make things awkward.
There are some who have no problems with being affectionate to their friends. It’s simply who they are. But if you are not open to affection from anyone else besides your friend, then you might possibly be heading towards a rose petal path.
3. You prioritize them.
When your friend is in a pinch, you immediately come to their aid. For their sake, you’re willing to drop whatever it is you’re doing.
Now you might be thinking, “Isn’t this what real friends do?”
Yes. They do. But friends don’t exactly go the extra mile unless there’s something more to it. It’s even more telling when you put them as your top priority.
You don’t make sacrifices for just a friend. That’s love talking right there.
Should You Take the Risk?
The thing about friends-first relationships is that you also risk losing your friendship in the process. There’s a possibility that it’s only you feeling that way, and your friend can’t see you as anything more.
Then again, are they really your friends if they are willing to throw away your friendship that easily?
Nothing good will come out of keeping it inside. Your feelings will eventually show, and you might be unconsciously distancing yourself from your friend in the process.
Either way, if you do end up confessing or distancing yourself, you still risk losing your friendship.
If you think you have feelings for a friend, tell them. This might be the final push you need towards a happy and healthy relationship.
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