RELATIONSHIPS | SELF
How to Date Without Destroying Your Self-Esteem
Naturally, rejection is going to hurt, and that’s okay.
Let’s be real for a second. Dating is a battlefield, especially for men.
Unless you’re rich and good-looking, you are going to get hit with multiple romantic rejections, such as getting stood up, ghosted, or downright rejected by women.
Naturally, rejection is going to hurt, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is spending hours on end racking your brain and playing every second of what went on during your date, wondering if you did something wrong, if you said something creepy, or if you were simply not good enough for her.
If you constantly find yourself in such a situation, it’s possible that dating is destroying your self-esteem. That being said, imagine what countless rejections and failed dates would do to you.
Before it’s too late, you need to change the way you think and treat yourself better. You need to learn how to date in the right and healthy way. On that note, here are a few tips to help you find love without losing your self-confidence:
1. Manage your expectations (or don’t have any at all).
A lot of men often make the mistake of having a predetermined set of unrealistic expectations when they go on a date. This can range from what their date should look like, how she should act, and how the date should progress. Well, it’s not ideal. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment, as well as adding unnecessary pressure on your date.
You see, when you have expectations and they’re not met, you start to doubt yourself and your worth. Let’s say you were looking forward to charming your date with your personality. However, during the date, she felt no charm at all and told you she did not feel any romantic connection with you.
You leave the date feeling defeated and lost. You were so sure of yourself. Unfortunately, it did not go the way you imagined it.
What you should do is show up on a date with little to no expectations so you won’t get disappointed. Treat dates as opportunities to meet and get to know people instead of viewing them as your last chance of finding love. That way, there’s less pressure to make a romantic connection, leaving you to enjoy the date and leave the date with your self-esteem still intact.
2. Learn to step back and reflect.
It can’t be helped. We don’t have control over people and their feelings for us. There will be times when you have to face rejection since it’s an inevitable part of dating. Whenever necessary, allow yourself to step back.
In other words, take time to reflect, heal, and regain yourself every time an unsuccessful date deeply affects your emotional state. Remember, you can’t function well around people when you’re not your best self. Similar to a soldier at war, your wounds need to be treated before going back to the battlefield. So let your heart rest in between dating people.
At the same time, avoid blaming yourself. Instead of wondering what you did wrong, accept the fact that it just didn’t work out between you. You weren’t a good match. There wasn’t any spark or connection. The next logical thing to do is to move on.
3. Don’t lose yourself in the dating process.
Continue doing the things you love to do outside of dating. Never stop working on your self-growth. Consider getting a hobby. Practice self-love. Foster non-romantic relationships.
To put it another way, don’t let your life revolve around finding romantic love. For you to be able to truly love someone, you need to love yourself first. Hence, prioritize your happiness.
Think of it this way, you’re dating people for the sole purpose of finding someone that makes you happy. If you left a date feeling unwanted, then she wasn’t a perfect match for you. You shouldn’t settle easily. Go for the one who adds happiness to your life and who adores you for being you. You don’t have to lose yourself while dating.
4. Don’t fear rejection.
Remind yourself that it’s nothing personal. Hence, don’t take it to heart. If you think about it, most of the people you dated, whether you met them online or through a friend’s referral, are basically strangers to you. So why should their opinion of you matter? Why are you letting their rejection destroy your self-esteem? It doesn’t make sense, right? Keep that in mind the next time your date says you’re not good enough for her. While that may be true in her case, you are good enough for someone else.
5. Accept compliments.
Every time you turn down a compliment, you’re deflecting validation and diminishing yourself. To put it simply, you’re not giving yourself enough credit for being your awesome self.
If your date gives you a compliment, it’s because she thinks you truly deserve it. Accept it wholeheartedly and cling to it whenever you need a good confidence boost.
6. Adopt a positive mindset.
A positive attitude attracts positive outcomes. Repeat the following chants in your mind:
- “I will not go after someone who doesn’t want to be with me.”
- “I am choosing to be single until I find someone that truly makes me happy.”
- “It’s not a question of me being worthy of love, but of someone who is worthy of my love.”
It will be hard to lose your self-confidence when you follow this set of positive beliefs.
7. Surround yourself with people who love and adore you.
Whenever a failed date leaves you doubting your worthiness of being loved, run to people who will support you and give you the pep talk that you need. They could be your friends or family — people who remind you that you are loved and adored. They will help you realize that you are good enough and that you are worthy of love.
Find Love Without Losing Yourself
You’re not the “half” of anything or anyone. Throughout the course of your existence, you’ve managed to build an interesting life for yourself, met interesting people, and developed a personality that people close to you have learned to love and respect.
That being said, while you’re on the search for love, remind yourself that you are already whole. You’re not searching for your “other half” that will make you complete. Rather, you’re merely looking for someone that makes life happier and more worthwhile.
